Merry Christmas No More....

Christmas is getting nearer and nearer. I can feel from the cold breeze of the wind. But everytime i'm going to sleep at night, i'm thinking, it's just going to be another white christmas...

Before when i was just a kid, i always make it to a point that i'll have everything when christmas comes up or even before it comes up. New clothes, toys, gadgets, everything that i want. For me, before, christmas is just full of gifts and materialistic things. I haven't thought before, it is not what the real true christmas spirit, that means sharing for all. For me, that's the real spirit.

I've grown up now, and i'm fully aware what's the spirit of christmas. What i lost is the excitement when christmas is within our grasp. Now, i never really get excited when it comes and i'll just said that it's just an ordinary day ahead of me. It's like, you realize some things when you mature while growing up. Me, i realized it now... For me, it's just going to be another white christmas ahead...

I've been away from my home for more than a year. And to tell you the truth, i have no plans of going back... forever... It's not pride what's eating up on me, it's just that i have something to prove on myself while i'm standing alone until i wear out. What i mean by wearing out is upto my very last breath of air, i'll go on with life --- alone. Well, maybe not alone, but, i'll not be in the family i grewn up. My girlfriend asks me, "When do you plan on going home?". Well, there are no plans on going back.. i just said, "Someday... and i don't know when it is... just someday...". This is the second year i'll not be spending the winter season holiday without them... And there's no big deal with that, right? Oh, well, that's life as it goes...

For me, Christmas is the most important holiday of the year and i expect anyone around the world doesn't want to miss it without their families. It's the season when you spend some quality time with your loved ones, as well as our friends and relatives. But for me, well, there's really nothing special. I might as well keep myself busy even if that special day comes. Just to forget all those miseries and problems that i've had in my life. Well, i'm not saying that i hate Christmas, it's just that... I really don't have anything to celebrate from the start, right?? That's just the way it is...

I don't know what will happen to me for the next years to come on my life. I may rust anyday, anytime, any minute running. My heart may stop beating in no time, but one thing's for sure, while i'm standing tall and strong, i'll just keep going on my life and live strong. But for me, it'll just be Merry Christmas no more...