A Love that never was

Just a week ago, i have to move out (AGAIN) from my previous place because of bed bug terrorism. I still have those bite marks that left me irritated. For a month of stay over there, i never had a good sleep (even though i woke up most of the time at 11 am), 'cause i've always been bothered with just a slight itch, so it was like i have to stay awake all night to wait and catch those bed bugs. Fortunately, the new place i moved into was such a nice place. I even have a bed that can fit three people. So, i was rolling around that bed. AND, i finally had a good, peaceful and bed-bug-free sleep.

(I have another brewing problem over that new place, but i won't say it here now. Maybe, next time.)

One good sign that definitely can say that i had a good sleep is having a good dream. Well, this dream is not just a dream: it's something played a significant role with my life. She was someone that i first talked through the telephone. Introduced by a good friend of mine from grade school. She's the same age as mine (i guess), a mix breed of Mexican, American and Filipina. I can still clearly recall her name.

Michaela Morgan.

It was during 2002, my first year in college. I received a random phone call from someone almost late in the evening. When i picked-up the phone, her voice was enveloped with calmness. I asked her how she was able to get my home phone number, she mentioned my grade school buddy. She came from a good, wealthy family who lives in Valle Verde Subdivision in Pasig. Well, me, i came from a working middle-class family who lives in the outskirts of Manila. I was so young back then, so i have this insecurity-feeling that she won't like me at all. But she was everything i had expected. Sincere, thoughtful, god-fearing person. We talked night after night, got mutually attached to one another (well, that's how i feel). And, the rest was history.

I wrote about her because, for two straight nights, i've dreamt of her. I don't know why but suddenly i felt the need to share this story. Well, the last time i've talked to her is way back 2004, and the last thing i've heard about her is that she moved to the United States. We lost all the communication and haven't kept in touch to one another, so, i don't have any news about her. I even tried looking for her thru Facebook, but, heck! There's a lot of Michaela Morgan's around the world. If only i was brave enough back then, but i wasn't. I wasn't able to tell her that i love her. My reason was --- because of our family classifications. As what i have said, They're a wealthy family and we're a middle-class family. I know it's a dumb and stupid reason for me to have, but back then, it makes sense to me. But now, obviously, it doesn't make sense at all. It was almost a decade ago now, so, now, suddenly i wonder how and where she is now.

There's a lot of "What if's" running through my mind right now. What if i told her? What could've been? Now, i know i can't provide the answers to my own questions 'cause i took a different path of life. I just suddenly felt sad that i didn't had the guts and strength to voice out my true feelings. But, of course, my action served a lot of lessons, so i know now that i'm a much better person.

I did not write this 'cause i regret not doing the right things (well, somehow, i am, hehe.. but not to it's full extent), but to remind other people that when you have the chance to say something towards a person that you love, seize the moment. No screw-ups, no shortcuts, just make a plain and simple statement. Learn in from me, who had all the chance to say it, but chose to hold back. It's a Love that never was.